THAT MYSTERIOUS “A” CERTIFICATE………..

Having been introduced to the seamy literature at an early age say around 9^th standard, Bala and Shiva were not able to comprehend many of the finer details from their irregular doses of Sydney Sheldon and Irving Wallace .Their curiosity about the facts of life started increasing.

They had secret discussions about the dark secrets of life. They were not sure whether other guys had the same feelings, curiosity or knowledge as they had. They started exploring all the second hand book sellers far away from their homes, in search of the secrets, as they could not ask their regular librarian about the steamy stuff they needed. Their search for the ultimate knowledge was not ending. They still, were not clear about the mysteries.

The closest they could get to the ultimate knowledge were the Bond Movies. But even here the acts ended abruptly without any details. Their thirst for knowledge was increasing day by day.

One fine day Bala and shiva saw a movie poster and were dumb founded by it. The poster had graphic details .It had a big “A”. They started drooling over the posters. Going in search of the “A” certified posters became a habit. They came to a conclusion that only “A” certified movies could give them enlightenment.

Shiva who had some seniors as friends, heard them talking about the “A” certificate. He came to know that posters of movies which had the biggest “A” certificate without any picture on the poster would have all the details they wanted to know. He shared this secret code with Bala.

They decided that they were adult enough to see an “A” certified movie .They waited for the coded poster to arrive .And one Friday that poster made its appearance. It had no picture, had a big “A” and a sleazy name to go with it.

The movie was running in a ramshackle old theatre on the outskirts of the city. Shiva and Bala got ready for the D-day. Shiva had a small sprouting mush and was sure that he would be let in but he had some doubts about Bala. They had saved their pocket money for this day. They were financially sound for the trip. They decided to go for the morning show. It was a Saturday and was a holiday.

They started early on their bicycles. They told their parents that they were going for a cricket match. They reached the theatre. They started having butterflies in their stomachs. They had arrived too early. The theatre compound was closed. They waited near the theatre. Bala started having second thoughts. He expressed it to Shiva. Even though shiva had his own fears, he convinced Bala that nothing would go wrong.

They went in to a nearby teashop, so that nobody would see them near the theatre. Slowly the theatre compound opened and slowly people started drifting in to the theatre. Shiva and Bala slowly entered the theatre compound on their cycles. Both of them moved towards the ticket counter with their hearts in their mouths. Bala was sure that they would be denied tickets and they would be sent to jail for coming to an adult movie. Shiva being the bolder of the two asked for two tickets and without any hesitation two tickets came out of the box office .They had passed their first hurdle.

The gawky boys were the odd people out in the crowd. They parked their vehicles. They slowly walked in to the theatre. They had to pass the second hurdle the ticket collector. Bala was sure that the ticket collector would send them out. They reached the door; shiva gave the tickets to the collector. He just tore the ticket and gave one half off it back to them. The guys were inside. They had crossed the second hurdle.Their hearts were beating fast.

The hall was filling up slowly, all kinds of men from riffraff’s to slimy old men. There was dampness and slight stench in the air. Our heroes dint mind it. Their wildest dreams were going to be fulfilled.

The bell rang. Some slides came on to the screen. The crowd was whistling and shouting obscenities. A beedi commercial was played. The whistling and the howling increased. Then it happened, the censor certificate came on to the screen. It had the mysterious “A”.

The whistling and howling reached its peak. Our heroes were on edge of their seats. The movie started. The titles started rolling. The movie started with an action sequence. The action never stopped. Shiva and Bala were waiting for their dream sequence. The heroine was introduced. Now they were expecting the scene any moment. Even the heroine started doing violent stunts and killing people. The intermission sign came on to the screen. The guys were disappointed. Their mystery was still unsolved.

They dint come out for the intermission, for the fear of being identified. Shiva told Bala not loose heart. He said the scenes would be shown after the interval.

The bell rang again. The movie started .The action and violence continued. The guys were getting edgy. Disappointment was creeping up. The catcalls and the obscenities started again. The action on the screen were continuing, there was blood every where. The movie was moving towards climax. Bala and shiva were silent. The climax came. Their dreams lay shattered. There was not a single steamy scene in the movie only blood and violence.

Bala and Shiva came out of the theatre dejected. Their mystery was still unresolved. They dint understand what went wrong. Their quest for knowledge about the ultimate sin was remaining unfulfilled.

The disappointed duo slowly cycled their way back home, slowly realizing that an “A” certificate would be given not only to a sleazy movie but also to an extremely violent movie.